


go to bed feeling bad (wake up feeling worse)

by handulce



Series: vibe hour (but not really) [1]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Bang Chan is Whipped, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Han Jisung | Han Needs a Hug, Han Jisung | Han is a Mess, Han Jisung | Han-centric, Hurt/Comfort, Insecurity, M/M, References to Depression, Sad Han Jisung | Han, jisung has a breakdown, lapslock, poor boy just wants to pass his classes, school is stressful, someone help jisung
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-01
Updated: 2020-12-01
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:22:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27811438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/handulce/pseuds/handulce
Summary: every day was the same, wake up feeling sad, go  through the day as if he were a ghost, do homework, go to sleep and dread waking up.han jisung is just so tired.i suck at summaries read the tags
Relationships: Bang Chan/Han Jisung | Han
Series: vibe hour (but not really) [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2035012
Comments: 9
Kudos: 71





	go to bed feeling bad (wake up feeling worse)

**Author's Note:**

> not me projecting onto my bias again!!!! it's my first work on here but i used to post on wattpad and tumblr a LOOOOONG time ago,,,,, but i ghosted them and now i'm here!!! 
> 
> idrk how to use this site oops but i hope you guys enjoy this <3
> 
> inspired by 'keshi -- skeletons' take a listen he's super good ^-^
> 
> !!TW!!  
> jisung has a LOT of self deprecating thoughts

jisung glared at the too-bright screen of his computer, dozens of physics equations littering the screen and taunting him. his eyes stung, his head hurt, and he just felt so so _tired_ , but he hasn't even touched the document.

he couldn't cry, he couldn't make a sound. 

' _so stupid, so so so idiotic. everyone else understands it, why can't you, han jisung_?'

the small teen's back hunched further, his head falling into his head in frustration, as if that would shut the buzzing of his noisy, stupid mind. 

and he still hasn't solved any of the seemingly endless pages of conundrums.

in all reality, he knew he should ask for help, he knew he should stop pretending like the low test scores and missing assignments didn't bother him. but to him, that was a thousand times more shameful than the piles and piles of empty worksheets and failed exams. 

he had all that missed work, but no motivation to do it. 

a shuffle behind him broke the stare at his computer. Chan. 

jisung, who was just stuck in his head with seemingly no way out, had long forgotten the presence of his boyfriend. the two were supposed to go out that night, being a weekend and neither had to go to their part time jobs the next morning, but jisung was so _tired_. so tired, with so much homework. 

the two of them settled for a sleepover at the younger's house. jisung had seen him pull out the switch from the tv stand, but his focus ended there and the slumber that the elder fell into went unnoticed. 

' _such a bad boyfriend, jisung. forgetting about chan. poor boy is stuck with someone like you'_

he let out a quiet, shaky, exhale. begging himself not to cry, or else he would waken the sleeping boy. 

chan, seemingly perfect, is handsome, curly blond hair sitting atop his head like a crown.

_more handsome than you'll ever be, why would he settle for you?_

on the road to graduating as valedictorian, passing every class with flying colors. 

_and look at you? crying over something as simple as physics. what a fucking idiot you are, jisung._

chan, is, has, and always will be, perfect.

_and you, jisung? look at you? you're nothing. nothing at all._

jisung's eyes felt like acid, unshed tears brimming his ugly eyes, desperate to roll down his hideous cheeks. 

jisung is tired, so tired.

like a pleading puppy, he slowly made his was from his desk and wormed his way into the blankets where his boyfriend lie. skillfully tangling the elder's toned limbs around him and melting in the warmth he provided. 

and it went like this.

he inhaled slowly, the faint smell of chan's coconut shampoo filling his nose.

he exhaled, long and shaky, his body began to tremble and his eyes shutting close, locking the tears in and keeping them from falling. 

inhaled again, but somehow it felt like he breathed in nothing. the tears, shut behind his eyelids started to fall anyway, and he exhaled again.

but he was having trouble inhaling again. 

han jisung was tired, he was just so damn tired. 

_but you don't do anything, why are you tired?_

chan shuffled a bit, and jisung did the best he could to stop the intense trembles of his body, held his breath so that the tears and shortness of his breath could be concealed. 

the seconds that passed felt like hours, on the edge of the bed jisung just hoped for chan to go back to sleep.

"mmm... sungie? you done with homework?" chan asked him, voice groggy and thick.

_great, you fucking woke him up, god you're so fucking annoying han jisung. so fucking annoying._

jisung couldn't answer, his chest too tight, his throat too choked up with tears. 

"ji? lovie?"

chan grew concerned, the shakes of the smaller boy and the shallow breaths hitting his skin not passing his attention.

"h-hyungie--" jisung managed to choke out, head peaking up slowly. his eyes were bloodshot and puffy but the tears continued to fall. 

"oh lovie... what' wrong sungie? what happened?" the blond pulled his boyfriend closer, looping his fingers through his brown strands of hair, "you can cry lovie, it's okay."

and han jisung broke.

"channie..." he had so many thoughts, so many voices in his head telling him exactly what it was he was feeling, so why was it hard to say them? nonetheless, jisung continued the best he could. "i'm so tired hyungie."

bits and pieces of jisung fell slowly, he was so broken, so tired. 

"hyungie i'm so tired..." chan kept stroking his hair gently, cradling the boy closer (which seemed impossible-- the space between them was nonexistent). "i'm so tired of waking up and not wanting to do anything, i just want to stay in bed all day and sleep as long as can hyungie. the voices are so loud and so mean. i feel so dumb but i can't bring myself to ask for help about it. i feel so ugly but i don't know what to do about it. i'm so tired 'yungie, i'm so _tired_ "

and chan held him, held jisung until the tears were no longer. held jisung until the trembles of his small body were no more. 

"lovie? have you calmed a bit?" 

jisung bit his lip, and nodded into chan's neck. not trusting his voice after being violently used for his sobs. 

"lovie-" chan started, gently bringing up jisung's chin and locking eyes with the fragile boy. "my beautiful, smart boy. jisungie it hurts to know you think those things about yourself. for all i've known you, you've only ever been perfect in my eyes. and you may not agree or think the same-"

chan's eyes glistened the slightest bit, but he leaned down and kissed the edges of jisung's puffed eyes and continued, "but you've always been perfect to me, _for_ me. my jisungie with the cutest laugh and my jisungie with the sweetest heart, i'll help you lovie, okay?"

jisung's eye's were pricked with tears again, albeit more docile and slow, the tears streamed down once again.

nodding, he nuzzled himself back into his boyfriend's hold, the blonde's heartbeat ricocheting through his ears and into his heart.

"sleep my lovie, we'll talk in the morning, i know you're tired." 

he kissed the top of jisung's head, as jisung's eye's fell he only faintly heard chan whisper words of love into his ears. 

jisung was tired, so so tired, but jisung had chan. perfect chan with the best grades and the most handsome face, perfect chan who was his. and perfect chan who would cradle him and love him. 

perfect chan, who would help jisung make everything okay again, even if it were for moments at a time.

**Author's Note:**

> this SUCKED yall, and yes i did this instead of doing hw because projection lol, ty for reading <3


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